DON'T QUIT YOUR DAY JOB
posted on 2007-02-01

• O.J. Simpson's has a new book "If I Did It" in which he presents a hypothetical account of the murders of his ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson and her friend Ronald Goldman.



• "Radical Christianity is just as threatening as radical Islam in a country like America ... Well, then, get away from the fear. Don't fear the terrorists. They're mothers and fathers."
  Rosie O'Donnell - on "The View"



• Again, on "The View", Joy Behar commented "You have to put like a Hitler type. Like, you put Donald Rumsfeld there or something." [The comment brought jeers.]



• While George Clooney was accepting an award from the National Board of Review, he said that "Charlton Heston announced again today that he is suffering from Alzheimer's."



• After admitting to a long night of heavy drinking with George Clooney, Danny DeVito went on a heavily censored anti-Bush rant during a taping of "The View." DeVito referred to the president as a "numb-nut" and animated his face to mimic the commander in chief's thought process. No quotes were discernible, other than "humana-humana-humana" and the rattle and spittle of blubbering lips. DeVito went on to describe his stay in the Lincoln Bedroom during the Clinton years with wife Rhea Perlman: "We made it our business to really wreck the joint."



• Several days after Katrina hit, Sean Penn arrived on the scene having no apparent connection to organized rescue efforts. He just showed up with his entourage and a personal photographer with the apparent intent of just wandering around looking for a good photo op. Immediately his boat sprang a leak, and the image we end up with is Penn with his little red plastic cup frantically trying to bail the water out of his toy boat.



• Barbara Streisand says to ABC about Hurricane Rita: "There could be more droughts, dust bowls. You know, it's amazing to hear these facts... and these storms are going to become more frequent, more intense,...". [Someone should remind Barbara Streisand that a Category 5 hurricane struck the Bahamas with 160 mph winds in 1947. In 1950, a Cat 5 hurricane -- named "Dog" -- packing 185 mph churned-away in the Atlantic. In 1951, a Cat 5 storm named "Easy" ripped the seas with 160 mph sustained winds. In 1955, "Janet" hit Mexico with 150 mph winds. In 1958, "Cleo" formed with 140 mph. In 1960, "Donna" AND "Ethel" carried 140 mph winds. And a year later, Two Category 5 storms scared the world: "Carla" and "Hattie!".]



• At the Deauville Film Festival, where she was handed a Lifetime's Achievement Award, Susan Sarandon told the British newspaper the Sunday Express that "We stand a chance of getting a president who has probably killed more people before he gets into office than any president in the history of the United States."



• Maines, of the "Dixie Chicks", told a British crowd: "Just so you know, we're ashamed the president of the United States is from Texas." [The group also hails from the Lone Star State.]



• Robert Redford opened the Sundance Film Festival by stating that we were owed an apology from the Bush Administration for everything that has happened since Sept. 11, 2001.



• Johnny Depp stated "America is dumb, is something like a dumb puppy that has big teeth - that can bite and hurt you, aggressive."



• Gwyneth Paltrow complained "I love the English lifestyle, it's not as capitalistic as America. People don't talk about work and money, they talk about interesting things at dinner ... I like living here because I don't fit into the bad side of American psychology. The British are much more intelligent and civilised than the Americans ... I worry about bringing up a child in America ... At the moment there's a weird, over-patriotic atmosphere over there, like, 'We're number one and the rest of the world doesn't matter' ... And the guns in school - it's not great." [Maybe she should raise her child in England, where only one in 10 schools have reported incidences of guns being brought onto their premises.]



• December 16, 2006, Matt Damon insulted the military with "I don't think that it's fair as I said before, that it seems like we have a fighting class in our country that's comprized of people who have to go for either financial reasons or, I don't think that that is fair. And if you're gonna send people to war, ah, if, if we all get together and decide we need to go to war then that needs to be shared by everybody. You know, and if the President has daughters who are of age then maybe they should go, too." [Damon is clearly ignorant of the fact our military is voluntary and proportionally, both poorer and richer areas provide slightly fewer recruits, and middle-income areas provide slightly more directly contradicting Damon's claim that under privileged Americans are the source of military manpower and that the privileged are under represented.]



• In Liverpool, Michael Moore paused to contemplate the epicentres of evil in the modern world: "It's all part of the same ball of wax, right? The oil companies, Israel, Halliburton." On November 1, 2005, World Net Daily reported that the anti-capitalist Moore, who has proudly declared "I don't own a single share of stock!" in fact owns tens of thousands of shares in U.S. stocks. His portfolio includes nearly 2,000 shares of Boeing, almost 1,000 of Sonoco, over 4,000 of Best Foods, more than 3,000 of Eli Lilly, and more than 8,000 of Bank One. Most notably, Moore owns in excess of 2,000 shares of stock in Halliburton, the gas and oil company he excoriated in his film Fahrenheit 9/11. Describing Americans to the British paper, the Daily Mirror, "They are possibly the dumbest people on the planet... in thrall to conniving, thieving, smug pricks..."



• Hugo Chavez, who was introduced at the podium by activist-actor Danny Glover, was visiting a church as part of ceremonies to announce the sale of discounted home heating oil to qualified low-income families. The appearance came a day after Chavez delivered an insult-riddled speech at the U.N. General Assembly in which he called President Bush the "devil."
  
  Danny Glover is a big fan of Fidel Castro. To prove it, he and Harry Belafonte and another 160 or so "artists and intellectuals" have signed a declaration of support for the Cuban regime. Published on May 1, 2003 in Cuba's government newspaper, Granma, the statement says: "Today there is a tough campaign against a Latin American nation. The harassment of Cuba could serve as an excuse for an invasion." The document supported Fidel's May Day warning to the Cuban people against President Bush's "Nazi" aggression. Ever since the March jailing of 77 writers and political dissidents and Cuba's firing squad execution of three young black men, Castro's international fan club has been shrinking, while Hollywood support remains steadfast.



• "I have the feeling about 60 percent of what you say is crap, but I don't know that for a fact ... Well, I don't watch your show ..."
  David Letterman to Bill O'Reilly



• Tom Cruise's "War of the Worlds" press tour blew up on the "Today" show in 2005 after Cruise got on his Scientology soap box with a diatribe against psychiatry that included criticizing Brooke Shields for the medication she received during her post-pregnancy depression. In 1987, Cruise was married to Mimi Rogers who introduced him to Scientology; since that epiphany he has had two divorces and married a third time.



• The arresting officer reported Mel Gibson launched into a barrage of anti-Semitic statements: "Fucking Jews... The Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world." Gibson then asked the deputy, "Are you a Jew?". Gibson, a conservative Catholic, feels that Protestants are doomed to damnation. In fact, he believes that his Episcopalian wife could be going to hell.



• During a November 17, 2006, stand-up comedy routine at The Laugh Factory in West Hollywood, California, Michael Richards responded to a black heckler with racially charged comments, yelling, "Fifty years ago we'd have you upside-down with a fucking fork up your ass" (an apparent lynching reference), and repeating "He's a nigger!" film clip On November 22, 2006, reports surfaced that Richards had made anti-Semitic comments during a stand-up routine earlier in 2006.



• Alec Baldwin announced that he was planning to flee the country if George W. Bush won the presidential election, then reneged; then promised to leave if Gore was elected. Alec Baldwin on Conan O'Brien's late-night talk show called for the stoning of pro-life Congressman Henry Hyde.



• Michael Jackson compared the historical relevance of his acquittal to the release of Nelson Mandela from prison, Martin Luther King Jr.'s birthday, and the fall of the Berlin Wall.



• Madonna on Dr Artur Spokojny, a Kabbalah follower, who claims to have decontaminated Lake Glyboke, Chernobyl
  "I mean, one of the biggest problems that exists right now in the world is nuclear waste ... that's something I've been involved with for a while with a group of scientists finding a way to neutralize radiation."
  [Dr Nick Evans - Environmental Radiochemist, Loughborough Univ. "Radioactivity cannot be 'neutralized', it can only be
  moved from one place to another until it decays away at
  its own rate. It comes in many different types: some last
  for billions of years, others decay away in a few minutes.
  There are no magical solutions."]



• Joanna Lumley (actress) "We cannot go on force-feeding animals chemicals and growth stimulants the way we are. Why do you think cancer is roaring ahead at the moment?"
  [Prof. John Toy - Medical Director, Cancer Research UK
  "Cancer is not 'roaring ahead'. It is more common
  mostly because people are living longer. It is essential
  that 'cancer causing' claims are based only on scientifically proven facts, not scare mongering. There is no definitive evidence that controlled food additives cause cancer. We do know that half of cancers are caused by lifestyle factors such as being overweight."]



• Heather Mills McCartney stated "... every day there's a new report warning that obesity levels in children are out of control ... The fact that those kids who drink the most milk gain the most weight should cause alarm bells to be ringing everywhere. It isn't and milk is still being pushed as essential for children."
  [Dr Philip Coan - Physiologist, University of Cambridge
  "It is not true to say that children who gain the most
  weight are doing so because of milk consumption. A US
  study looked at drink consumption in 2-5 year olds over
  a three year period. It found no link between increases
  in child weight and increases in drink consumption. In
  relation to milk, child weight was not linked to whether the children drank full fat, semi-skimmed or skimmed milk."]



• ( Hanoi) Jane Fonda, successful career woman in her own right but still took Ted turner for $60 million in an amicable divorce settlement, is the best known and most despised hollywood political activist. "I would think that if you understood what Communism was, you would hope, you would pray on your knees that we would someday become Communist."
  - Jane Fonda, during a November 22, 1969 speech at Michigan State University, according to a Detroit Free Press reporter.


"I am a Socialist, I think that we should strive toward a Socialist society - all the way to Communism."
- Jane Fonda, during a December 11, 1970 speech at Duke University, according to the House Committee on Internal Security.

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